SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
