She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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