I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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