You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
