i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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