today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
