Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
