btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
