oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
And then my night got REAL pukey
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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