Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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