Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I would fuck him just for his dog
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
