just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Randomize
