I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
