are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
