my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
