Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
