get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
