I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
