In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
