It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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