she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I skipped work to stalk him.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
