Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
