I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
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