All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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