Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
