the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
