Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
