we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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