is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I think I died a long time ago.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
