I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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