Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
