He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
