You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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