So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Drake has all the answers
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
