Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
