I want to make a zoo with you.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
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