He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
