Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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