its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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