Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
