I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
