if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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