God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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