just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Randomize
