The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
