We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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