I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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