do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
