he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
