Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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