Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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