dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You are a genius and a whore.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
